Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I'm such a cliché!

Long emo post you don't wanna read.

Seriously, I'm such a cliché for being easily falling for cute guys I hate myself!
Seeing the Taiwanese group Fahrenheit upclose was an example of what a loser I am infront of cute guys. After that I was thinking to myself, do I really have to? All the wasted energy oh puhhhleeeez!

Enough of hallucinating the perfect guy to appear there's no Gu Jun Pyo nor Edward Cullen in this world, the reality is harsh and hard which always gives you twists and turns which slap disappointments after disappointments into your face!


I've actually decided to just "save as draft" for this post and let it disappear as time goes by with my many other drafts in my blogspot where all of the emo posts are written and not published for if I were to publish the post, that would amplify the negative energy in me and the law of attraction will attract more negative force which I don't want please thank you until I read Sweat Lee's recent blog post (thanks xinyun for sharing the link) about her having a dream too, which lead me to continue writing this post but I don't know how far this may go, it may end up being "save as draft".

I guess many of us are facing the same problem, being in the crossroad in life, jump into the rat race or go for the road not taken? No doubt being an architect assistant, working from 9am to OT-til-duno-what-time is part of the road to being an qualified architect, gaining experience before getting Masters degree and more years of experience before being able to take the PAM exams for the AR title. That's what everbody hopes for me, which they believe is the best, getting the AR title at the end of the road. Yes, having the title is oh so glamorous, being able to sign plans and approving projects and dealing with big big bucks but hey, those are the surface part of being an architect. Do they know that we actually have to go through tough processes, needing to tender and redo again and again which doesn't involve design anymore. People say architects design but then again, in the real world, no design are to be built unless your creativity are being appreciated by clients who are willing to churn out ka-chings for that.

Indeed I've chosen to take the road not taken but it seems like everything is not going at the right direction as expected. The desire of wanting to make the best out of something inside me which hasn't really got the opportunity to shine is slowly dying off. I'm beginning to lose faith in what I used to believe in, as long as there's the will, there's the way. I'm trying my very best but there don't seem to have any pleasing results. The desire of pursuing my dream and become Leona Lewis singing "A moment like this" was so great, I gave up the final opportunity to be in Japan before Jia leaves for good, and now seeing sakura flowers and fuji san in the newspapers makes me feel sad. I used to believe there are no dreams that are too large to be dreamt, and everyone should dare to dream, but it seems like reality is hitting me one by one, urging me to let go of everything that I used to believe. What happened to all the desire and enthusiasm?

Time is ticking and in no time, it'll be the month of April and looking back of what I've done throughout this 4 months, the only proud thing that I've done is having my FashionTECTURE launch, the thing that I spent effort and excitement on. And I used to believe that once effort is inserted, you'll see the result but it's sad to realize that all the enthusiasm is draining off by day.

There are 2 options right now laying in front of me, going all out for FashionTECTURE, or getting a job and work to live. Seriously, I know once I've chosen to take that path, my life will only evolve around work and everything I do is not about me but pleasing those above me. Yes you say I can climb the career ladder and be the head one day, what if that day finally arrives and I'm an all-mighty-professional but a person who has already lost her true inner self? Of course that's not a bad path at all, considering I'll end up being a professional rather than a nobody who might be caught up with wanting to pursue her dream but end up being a taylor in her own sweet little so-called-i-am-doing-my-dream-job-world

omg are you still reading coz I'm not sure what I'm actually writing but anyway,

in a total different perspective, everything can be upside down and I could be caught working 9am to OT-til-duno-what-time in the architecture firm trying to please my boss but if I choose to take the road not taken, I could be a business woman with my own fashion brand in hand, just like Zang Toi or Jimmy Choo.

There are just so much possibilities in life and tomorrow, I might have a heart attack or whatever accident and die, just like that.


Anyway, I'm already sick of not knowing what to do in life but not wanting to be in the rat race. I really want to achieve so much more than just being stuck behind PC screens with AutoCAD or SketchUp, but not wanting to do that and having so many big dreams is so energy draining it's slowly taking my toll. A woman who secretly dream large is very sad and lost at the moment. However, I'm still secretly hoping that everything and the life that I've ever wanted will actually be realized. And then there's part of me that actually believes that life is actually all planned out ahead of us and we are just to walk along the path until our dieing day. But that will be too sad coz I wouldn't be striving for the best and give excuses in whatever I don't get is meant to be. No no no I cannot let myself believe that I must keep thinking about Lady Gaga!!

Oh well enough theories, let's just see what tomorrow brings, and enjoy every moment we live.

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow."


  1. *HIGH FIVE*
    I have the same thought too...do not enjoy sitting in front of pc and start clicking the mouse from 9 to God knows when OT ><

  2. woww xuan!!! congratz for reading through the post. i even find myself irritating halfway through +_+"

    aihhhh what should we do xuan?
    we deserve so much better!!

    I think next year CNY we should have a proper sit down and start a great plan which can cater all of our interest while generate money at the same time! that's the ultimate life ever :)

  3. i finish reading it too..
    hmm....ganbatte ba...

    Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.

    i should plan my path too...
    ><...i dunno y i will be in the future..><..
    except i know i cant be a great mechanical engineer..no talent in fixing things...

    hiaz..okies nex cny v plan another great gathering...

  4. so are u trying any possible options that i suggested the other day at starbucks?? i work hard for what i had at the moment.. u will too

  5. Wow nice one Zaolon,maybe I shouldn't think too much and go for whatever? Anymore quotes like that?keep them coming to inspire me please :)
    and yea,for the next gathering no more dots but serious business already. Don't forget we'll be freakin 23 by then ong so freakin old i'm so scared T-T

    anyhow we should feel lucky the moment we are still breathing on earth because we just don't know what actually lies ahead of us.make the best out of everything and appreciate everything and everyone around us!!:)

    Jared,I should go research about that now.but help me ask around also ok?!?!you know me well and I'm sure u know what's best for me ;)